Release Day Interview: Snow White and the Seventeen Dwarfs by Ford Forkum

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Snow White

Happy Flag Day and Release Day to our resident satirist, Ford Forkum! To celebrate his new book, we’re interviewing Ford here on the blog today.

Well Ford, it looks like you’ve done it again! Another fairy tale falls under your pen, so to speak, and we’re left with a few questions for our favorite satirist:

First off, what kind of relationship do you have with your mirror? Does it tell you how stunningly handsome (or pretty – if you’d prefer) you are every day?

To put it bluntly, my mirror’s a jerk. No matter how much I try to convince it that I’m not getting older, it refuses to believe me. I don’t know why it insists on showing me stuff about myself I’d rather not see. One of these days, I’m going to get a hand-held mirror and hold it up to my bathroom mirror and say, “There! How do you like it?”

The satirical aspect of my writing is to “hold a mirror up to society,” and since my mirror obviously has no interest in sparing my feelings, I feel it’s only fitting to hold a mirror up to my mirror. Sauce for the gander and whatnot.

Do you like apples? When is the last time you ate one?

Fuji apples are my favorite. They’re the perfect apple; sweet, crunchy, and juicy with just the right level of tartness to yield a zip. I haven’t eaten any in a while, though.

If you happened to come across a beautiful woman lying in a glass casket and guarded by one or more dwarfs, what’s the first thing you’d think and do?

I’d probably look for signs that might indicate I’d wandered into some kind of fairground. If it turned out to be the case, I’d check out the scene, but if there was nothing else around, I would become very anxious and unable to decide whether to ask the dwarfs a ton of questions or just panic and run away.

Is there now, or has there ever been, a body behind your couch (living or dead)?

No, but that’s not to say there never will be. I’m not, you know, planning on it or anything. I’m just saying you never know. It can’t say it’s entirely out of the realm of possibility because I don’t own a crystal ball or anything that could help me predict the future. I mean, how do I really, truly know? I don’t. So it would be presumptuous of me to say to the readers, “Oh, there’s no way there would ever be a body behind my couch. That would never happen.” But I will say it’s unlikely, that is, given an ordinary set of circumstances.

Have you ever been so jealous of someone that you wanted to have their heart cut out? Do you know if anyone’s ever been that jealous of you?

Jealousy isn’t particularly a problem for me. At least not to the extent that I’d want to have someone’s heart cut out. Besides, cutting out hearts isn’t really my style. It’s too messy and doesn’t seem all that satisfying.

I can’t say for certain if anyone’s ever been jealous of me, but I couldn’t fathom why.

Bonus Question: Can you tell us what you’re working on next? Another fairy tale satire, or something entirely different?

I’m juggling a few ideas around, possibly a sequel to Alien Invasion of the Zombie Apocalypse (if five years isn’t too late for a sequel) and a Star Trek parody. It’s too early to tell which idea will find its way to being developed into a complete story but for the time being, that’s where my head’s at.

You’ll have to let us know how it goes with the whole mirroring mirrors thing. And the whole body-behind-the-couch thing too…

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